Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
BRING THE BAGELS
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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