all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
