i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
