Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
