Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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