could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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