im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
