that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize