It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
