I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
