I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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