Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
