Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
