I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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