Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
