I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
