Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
