but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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