just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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