No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
