i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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