in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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