I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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