My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I think i got beer on your cat.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
