I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
