I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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