I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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