umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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