Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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