Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Pants are for mortals
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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