I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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