bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
