What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
