Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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