hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
