She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
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