My nipple is on Facebook.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
is that a dick in a sweater?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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