My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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