it hurts more in the daytime
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
