she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
