I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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