and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
