i just wanna soil my oats bro
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
