well I can't set my house on fire every night
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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