Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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