Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize