while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
