I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
