I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize