I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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