just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize