nut hugger
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
