Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
