Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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