she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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