dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
