too bad you live with your parents still
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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