Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
