You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize