Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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