He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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