some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize