If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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