I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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