Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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