So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
