So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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