I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
