Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
